Missing Him.

Today is the seven year anniversary of the passing of my brother Kurt. It was the worst day of my life. I never want to feel the pain, the fear, and the helplessness that I felt that July 20th in 2002. Because it was an accident I felt and feel as though he was ripped from my life, that I never really got to say goodbye, and that I've never really had closure. I have peace only because I know that one day we will be re-united, that he is with my Dad and the rest of my family that has gone before, and because I have my family to keep me grounded and happy in the moments that I feel blue and helpless. I miss him everyday. In little ways. Like when dh and I are doing something fun and we look at each other quietly and say Kurt would have loved this. It's watching my oldest son grow and knowing that he is part me and Mike, but very very much Kurt. It's incredible, heartwarming and heartbreaking for me all at once. It's knowing that my sister and I have forged a bond even stronger since his passing and that we are always there for each other. I feel for my Mom because I don't always have the words, for my children because two of them have fading memories and one of them has none, except what I tell him. So today big brother, I miss you, I love you, and I honor you. R.I.P. till we meet again. xo